My Personal Growth and Healing Journey (Version 1.0)

Written By Conni Biesalski

ℹ️ This resource documents my healing journey from 2012 until about 2019.

I am currently working on version 2.0 (2019 until 2023).

Stay tuned.

This personal growth and development resource outlines the tools, people, healing modalities and events that helped me in exploring consciousness, emotional healing and essentially in becoming myself since 2012.

It is my complete personal growth master guidebook about my continuous upgrade and development as a human soul.

It’s a living document listing everything I have done, am doing, and will do on my inner spiritual journey.

This is my unique and individual path.

Please do know that you might require very different healing modalities, teachers and tools.

I do hope that it serves as an inspiration, especially if you are just starting out.

Because I remember well just how unbelievably lost I was at the beginning of my journey.

Everything that I listed below served as a puzzle piece.

Some might say, I’m a personal growth and development junkie.

I say:

I fucking love learning and understanding and growing.

That’s how my brain and soul are wired in every area of life.

But even more so:

I have a profound urge and desire to get to know myself deeply, on all levels:

  • who I am

  • what my needs are

  • why I react the way I do

  • why I do the things I do in the way I do them

  • why some patterns repeat themselves in my life

  • what my limiting beliefs are

  • what my potentials are

  • what my purpose is on this planet…

It has been the most magical journey to dive into who I am.

And I am incredibly open to whatever comes my way.

Most of what I list in this resource I didn’t have to seek out.

They presented themselves and entered my life without me having to go out and look for them.

I just got out of the way and said yes to the experience.

You know, Law of Attraction and stuff (duh, it works).

How I Started Evolving and Embracing Personal Growth and Development

I am very passionate about evolving my consciousness and learning more about myself in the process.

Through this journey that started in 2012, I have grown and expanded my mind, my soul and my body so much.

Before, I was sleepwalking through life. Unconscious.

Since then, I have found home to myself.

I am becoming myself, I am getting to know myself every day more. And most days, I love myself and treat myself with a lot of compassion.

I still struggle at times these days (cause, you know, I’m human still), and that’s ok. I have tools now to help myself and I know how to ask for help. Not to mention, I have an awesome support network.

I know my path. And I know what I still need to learn.

And then there are a lot of things I don’t know, but I am so damn open to receive.

What has changed and shifted for me over the years (an excerpt of a long awesome list):

  • got rid of many limiting beliefs

  • found a deep connection with myself

  • know my needs and what is good and not good for me

  • have deeper connections with friends and attracted many new inspiring, wonderful friendships

  • generally feel more connected and very rarely lonely anymore

  • developed a strong intuition that I fully trust when making decisions

  • worked through a lot of old stories and traumas, shed a lot of weight and stuck old energies

  • silenced my inner critic (to a very low volume that only sometimes comes up still)

  • I am way softer in my being and my heart is soooo much more open

  • de-shamed a lot of old stories and areas in my life (sexuality, body insecurities, vulnerabilities…)

  • got a lot more confidence in myself and my abilities

  • not afraid of feelings and emotions anymore (I can feel!!)

  • know how to handle depressive episodes better

  • learned so much about life, myself and consciousness

  • living my higher calling

  • developed self-love and awesome self-care routines

  • connected to my physical body and its energies

So yes, it’s worth it.

Transforming your shadows into light might not always be a joyful experience, but it is the shedding of the veil that will reveal the true you.

Because in the end, the journey into ourselves is the journey home to ourselves and becoming the ones we have always been all along.

And once you know, once you have seen, once you have awaken – there is no un-seeing, no un-knowing, no more going back to unconsciousness.

My Awakening Initiation

The event that broke me open and got me onto my inner journey to myself was my first real breakup from my first girlfriend at age 28 in May 2012.

It shattered me and my world into a million pieces and I faced immense emotional pain.

(you can learn more about the entire story here)

Since then, I have been on a big quest for personal growth:

  • to heal unhealthy relationship patterns and my tendency to be co-dependent

  • to heal from being in the closet until I was 26, to embrace my sexuality as a gay, androgynous woman

  • for emotional healing and healing depression (eg. deep sadness, anger, shame, loneliness, being lost, obsessive thinking patterns)

  • to embrace and express my feminine energies

  • to work through old childhood and other trauma and the relationships with my parents

  • for transforming limiting beliefs and old emotional conditioning that keep me stuck

  • to learn self-love and self-compassion

  • to find meaning in my life and purpose in my work

Healing Modalities, Events, Practices and Tools

What is not included are the countless conversation I had with many amazing friends and amazing people I met on on my path. The infinite list of inspiring blogposts and podcasts I have consumed (but you will find some good recommendations at the end). And some smaller events and gatherings I was part of.

Please note:

  • I am not sharing some details on purpose, such as the names or websites of some practicioners etc. I still honour my own privacy in some ways  – so if there is no link or name, don’t ask me for it.

  • if you don’t know what something is, follow the link or google it.

  • there are many untold stories hiding within this blogpost – this article is just scratching the surface of my journey and gives you a little glimpse. I have plans to possibly write a book, maybe.

Here is what I have experimented with since 2012:

Classic Psychotherapy

  • several rather unsuccessful attempts

  • at age 17/18/19 after my parents divorced

  • sometime again in my twenties

  • in 2012 after my first big breakup

  • last time in its classical form for a few months in Berlin in 2014 – but I quit after a few months as it wasn’t going anywhere for me and she also wasn’t the right one (but I didn’t know what the right one would be, knowing so little about myself back then!)

My first real personal development book:
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle

I think I found it in my mum’s book collection at home (thanks mom!)

It properly woke up me from my lifelong trance in 2012.

Biggest epiphany thanks to this book:

I am not my thoughts (before I took every thought as truth). I am the observer of my consciousness.

Get your own copy on Amazon and German Amazon.

Buddhist Teachings

Discovering Buddhism fully woke me up. I got so many answers through its teachings while going through some intense suffering, I am forever grateful.

Meditation Practice

After diving into Buddhism, Meditation was the obvious next step.

  • first through apps and podcasts (can recommend Insight and Headspace for beginners)

  • went to a meditation introduction class at the the Buddhist centre in Berlin in 2012

  • read a few books on meditation, one that stood out is “Full Catastrophe Living” by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

  • over the years I have practiced a lot of different techniques of meditations

  • experimented with all sorts of traditional meditation techniques (eg. breath, mantra, Zen)

  • also enjoy those by Tony Robbins (priming) and Kyle Cease

  • right now, I am really into the meditations by Dr. Joe Dispenza

  • here is a video I did on meditation: How to Meditate – my little personal no-BS guide

  • my intention is to meditate every morning upon rising (I don’t always succeed)

Yoga

  • I took my first yoga class in 2008 in Guatemala.

  • started doing DVD and online Yoga at home after that for my stomach and back pain

  • tried out many different styles, studios and teachers starting in 2011

  • have practiced mostly Jivamukti, Vinyasa and Hatha regularly and all over the world in many countries since about 2013

  • also enjoy Yin and Restorative Yoga, Kundalini, Ashtanga, Tantra

  • big fan of Pranayama techniques

One-Month Yoga & Meditation Course

  • at Hidraya Center in Mazunte/Mexico

  • I did Module 1 of a series of modules, which takes you very deep into yoga, meditation and the life of a Yogi

  • we had Kirtan sessions, collective Heart Meditation sessions and one day of complete silence

  • was a wonderful experience and very transformational

Yoga Teacher Training

  • one month at Desa Seni in Bali in 2015

  • mostly trained in Hatha, Yin, Tantra and Kundalini Yoga and lots of meditation and pranayama

  • the intention with this training was to learn more and deepen my yoga practice

  • one of the best “personal growth courses” you can sign up for – it is very powerful, very intense and you will transform immensely as a soul

  • highly recommended if you want to dive deep

Family Mystic and Healer

  • he is originally from Pakistan and has been one of my mum’s gurus since I was a little child

  • distant healing sessions

  • regular group satsang

  • 5-day meditation workshop retreat in Austria

Life Coaching + Therapy

  • discovered life coaching and my first coach in 2014

  • have worked with seven very different coaches

  • usually for 3-6 months each

  • right now I have been working with my current life coach, who is also a therapist, for several years (since February 2016) – we do a lot of somatic work and feeling through emotions

Inner Child Work

  • in coaching and therapy sessions

  • first I had a big resistance and had a hard time, but eventually was able to open myself up and connect to my little Conni and it has been wonderful

  • super important to develop self-love, self-compassion and reparenting myself

  • helps to silence the inner critic and the mean voice

  • can recommend this book: Reconciliation – Healing the Inner Child

Coaching Session based on Byron Katie’s work

Family Constellation

  • did this method mostly in therapy sessions and several times in a group setting in Ubud/Bali

  • you explore current and old family dynamics structures, karma and stories

Energy, Reiki, Shamanic and Theta Healing

  • many sessions with different healers all over the world

  • Theta Healing is meant to change neural pathways & change limiting beliefs

  • mostly effective for me in the short-term, but can’t really say how effective the results were long-term

Astrological Chart Readings

  • I usually get my chart read once or twice a year

  • really helped me to get to know myself so much more and dive deeper into my purpose on this planet

  • my two personal recommendations: Larry Martin and Luisa Hartmann

Tarot Card, Intuitive and Soul Readers

  • I have had some really awesome sessions and some not so great ones, but overall, in times of a lot of chaos, they helped me to calm down and trust in life and the universe – knowing that I am on the right path

  • I definitely believe that some human beings are more connected to a greater consciousness than others

Heal the Woman Within 5-Day Seminar in Bali

  • was kind of like my kick off healing workshop into deeper spheres of inner work in the beginning of my time here in Bali in 2015

  • worked with modalities of Metaphysical Anatomy to heal old stories and trauma

  • definitely had some big breakthroughs, but didn’t realise that so much work would still have to follow!! (layer work ;))

Yoga Retreats

  • Orion Healing Center on Koh Phangan, Thailand

  • Andalusia, Spain

  • Tuscany, Italy

  • Yoga Healing Bali with Christina Maria Gabriel

  • great for a reset, grounding and deepening your practice

Silent Retreat in Bali

  • this is not a Vipassana – you can read, write, leave the premises – so it’s more like a silent vacation maybe

  • amazing food, magical setting

  • great way reset your systems

  • I did it over Christmas in 2015 and enjoyed it for the most part, but was also happy to leave after those five days

  • check out their website here

Cleansing Fasting Retreat

  • two times with Hillary at Dharma Healing International on Koh Samui, Thailand

  • only water, two fresh coconut waters a day, minerals, tea, veggie broth

  • every morning you do an enema yourself, you get one colonic session during the course and I booked a massage every day

  • it’s great for a body reset and to detoxify your body once in a while

  • I did the normal fasting course once and then also the fasting course plus “Dharma of Fasting for Professionals” course another time

  • it’s more than just a fasting week – Hillary teaches you a lot about nutrition, digestion, fasting, Astrology, Iridology.

Going Vegan / Plant-based in January 2015

  • been vegetarian my whole life

  • going vegan changed my life immensely in terms of awareness for my body and its health, the connection between food and energy

  • food is fuel = life

  • I feel more fit and have more energy in my mid-thirties than I ever did in my teens or twenties

  • I basically don’t get sick anymore and my skin is awesome

Non-Violent Communication

  • completely changed my life and the way I communicate with people, especially in conflict situations

  • one of the most important tools I have learned on my path

  • I read the book and watched a few videos by Marshal Rosenberg on YouTube (I recommend this one to get started)

  • there are also workshops all over the world. I personally have not attended one yet, but I might in the future

Grinberg Method

  • I like to describe it as a mix of talk therapy, massage and somatic experiencing to heal and release stress, trauma, tension, anxiety and stuck energies in the body

  • tought me to properly feel emotions and not be scared of them

  • we  worked through energetic blockages in my body (specifically throat, stomach and back)

  • I had probably around six sessions with two different practicioners and this method changed my life so much

  • check out their official website (which sucks) to find practitioners and workshops in your area

The Gene Keys

  • helps you find paths of self enquiry that challenge, question and enlighten you about your true role in life

  • one of the most fascinating teachings I have ever discovered

  • helps you to understand your shadows and true potentials in life

  • a further dimension and evolution of Human Design

  • “Its purpose is to unlock the great reservoir of genius that lies inside you and bring you into a deep state of harmony with every aspect of your life.”

  • I got my first Gene Keys Reading at the end of 2017, lasted for about 6 hours and it blew my mind

  • get started by checking out The Gene Keys website and purchasing the book

  • if you are then interested to get a reading of your profile, you can e-mail me and I will share my contact/resource with you (she is amazing)

Tony Robbins Live Events

  • I first attended the 6-day Date With Destiny (DWD) event in Florida in December 2016 and then the 3-day Unleash the Power Within (UPW) in LA in March 2017. Read about the experiences.

  • personal development on steroids – huge life-changer, Tony is the man

  • everyone should attend UPW and if you can afford it, also go to DWD

  • I made a video reflecting on both events

Dr. Joe Dispenza Workshops and Retreats

  • 2-day Progressive Workshop in Berlin in May 2017

  • 4-day Advanced Course in Palm Desert/California in October 2017

  • 6-day Advanced Course in Tarragona/Spain in January 2018

  • 6-day Advanced Course in Cancun/Mexico in June 2018

  • bridging spirituality and meditation with science

  • wanna heal your body, raise your consciousness and manifest the most amazing life ever? Dr. Joe is the real deal – he is a scientist, not some woo-woo dude. He has tested all of his hypothesis and explains in amazing detail the interconnectedness between body and mind and why what he teaches works.

  • I love his meditations and the Mind Movies technique – I practice both daily, up to 1.5 hours

  • to get started with his work, check out his website and books, purchase some of his meditations (eg. Blessings of the Energy Centers), do his online course and attend one of his events

  • I talk about my experiences in these Facebook live videos: Live from the Retreatand Retreat Highlights

Plant Medicine Retreat with a Shaman in Ecuador

Transformational / Holotropic Breathwork

  • Breathwork is an active meditation practice that produces altered states of consciousness to help with emotional healing and personal growth. It gives access to parts of the psyche that aren’t as accessible in our daily lives, as well as to the collective unconscious and the unity of everything and everyone, similarly to a psychedelic or plant-medicine ceremony experience.

  • Basically, you inhale and exhale for equal lengths of time, at increasing speed while being blind-folded. Intense music is played loudly to intensify the experience, which is even heightened by the group energy that is being produced through the practice.

  • I have done breathwork circles with Michael Stone in LA and online, as well as Sara Silverstein and Edward Dangerfield in Bali. Read my comprehensive article on breathwork here.

  • My experiences have been so healing, so liberating. I have released endless stuck energy, connected to my inner child and just had an out of this world experience.

  • I have also done private breathwork sessions, which are even more powerful and healing.

Other awesome stuff I have tried out and experienced

  • Ecstatic Dance Sessions (eg. Yoga Barn in Bali)

  • Sister Circles Sessions at The Practice in Bali

  • Goddess Gathering in LA

  • EFT Tapping

  • Cacao and Cannabis ceremonies in LA

  • Sound Bath Healing in Bali

  • Floating Tank in LA (sensory deprivation in a salt bath)

  • Two intimate workshops with Kyle Cease in LA – one in May 2018 with 50 people and one in October 2018 with 25 people

Some other great events I attended

  • Bali Spirit Festival

  • Wanderlust Festival in New Zealand

  • Marianne Williamson lectures in LA

  • Matt Kahn Lecture in Encinitas/CA

  • Longevity Now Conference in LA

Health-based healing modalities and practices:

My main health-related challenges have been digestion, PMS and period pain, eczema and psoriasis, back pain, and chronic wrist and knee pain from injuries.

I believe in the interconnectedness of mind, body and soul and that any chronic pain and dis-ease is stuck, lower-frequency energy in the body.

Suppressed emotions caused a lot of chronic conditions for me, especially skin and digestion.

For example, once I had my coming out at 26, many of my health issues disappeared and improved massively, as I started to live my true self and to express my emotions.

  • Acupuncture and Traditional Chinese Medicine

  • Myofascial Release

  • Juice fasting for 7 days and 3 days

  • Hydro-Colonic Therapy Sessions

  • Liver flush

  • Ayurvedic diet based on my dosha

  • Water fasting

  • Several Balinese healers

  • Rolfing

  • Intermittent Fasting (daily for 16hours and for 24 hours every couple weeks)

  • Chiropractic treatments

  • Detoxed from coffee, sugar and alcohol for several months at a time

  • Healing SIBO (Small Intestine Bacterial Overgrowth) with a modified Fodmap diet and natural supplements – I worked with the awesome naturopath and health coach Kirsten Swales

  • 24 hour water fasts

  • Osteopathy treatments to heal digestion issues at Praxis für Ostheopathie (highly recommended)

  • Kambo ceremony with Esther the Kambo Nomad

LIFE-CHANGING RESOURCES ON MY PATH

Books:

It is hard to pick just a few, so I created a living resource of the books that have had the most impact on my personal growth journey and my thinking. I update it frequently.

Check it out:

Here is my list of books that changed my life.

Blogs, YouTube Channels and Podcasts:

And obviously so many more amazing people, just giving you a little best-of here.

Now I am guessing you are probably going to ask:

“WHAT HAS HELPED YOU THE MOST, CONNI?“

My answer:

All of it, in one way or another.

Whatever I did was helpful at the time in my healing and consciousness process.

In the beginning, I found a lot of answers through Buddhism.

Yoga and Meditation have been crucial the entire time and continue to do so.

Then Life Coaching was a game-changer.

And the one-month yoga and meditation retreat at Hidraya in Mexico and my Yoga Teacher Training in Bali definitely boosted my evolution to new levels.

Books on personal growth and development and Buddhist teachings have always been great supporters in so many ways. I love learning from more evolved beings and getting inspired by people who share insightful messages.

Every retreat, every course, every experience has been important on my path.

Every piece of the puzzle has been indispensable to arrive where I am today.

And of course, some more than others.

BUT if I had to decide, I would say:

Also, I got immense boosts of personal growth from being a creator and entrepreneur, from blogging, making videos and sharing myself on social media. Like crazy.

In the end, I have been passionately committed to doing THE WORK, no matter what.

I never want to leave a stone unturned.

I opened my mind and heart so wide, which enabled me to receive teachings and ideas and practices that my old self would have normally rejected.

MY CURRENT PRACTICES

You have to understand that change and transformation don’t just happen because you do things once or twice.

My whole journey led me to a whole new way of living and being and thinking.

I currently regularly do:

  • daily meditations

  • regular Yoga and other ways to move my body 5-6 days a week (gym, swimming, surfing…)

  • coaching/therapy

  • breathwork sessions

  • reading books on personal growth daily

  • practicing awareness/mindfulness in every day life

  • intentionally growing my consciousness

  • writing (eg. journaling, morning pages…)

  • going to transformational events/workshops every couple months

  • living on a clean vegan diet

  • sauna and ice baths

  • deep tissue massages

  • intermittent fasting (usually no food for 16-18 hours a day)

  • healing my gut through natural herbs and anti-inflammatory diet

  • practicing non-violent communication

I might do some of the following in the near future:

  • Core Energetic Healing

  • Cranio Sacral Therapy

  • Hoffmann Process

  • Somatic Movement Therapy

  • Burning Man

  • Hypnotherapy

  • 10-Day Vipassana Silent Meditation Retreat

  • EMDR

  • Past Life Regression

  • Workshops and retreats at Kripalu and Esalen

  • Envision Festival in Costa Rica

  • Mind Body Spirit Festival

  • Shakti Fest

It’s been an amazing ride and it continues to be magical.

Not easy. Not always comfortable. Sometimes crazy intense. But worth it.

I’m just so grateful I woke up eight years ago and that I was able to shift my perception from “life happens to me” to “life happens for me”. I’m glad I can see the gift in the struggle and the pain.

I hope the same for you.

Stay on the path.

With love,

Conni.

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