The Art of Self-Exploration: An Introductory Guide
Life didn’t ask me kindly.
It pushed me to explore myself and examine my behavior, patterns and conditioning after a devastating breakup in 2012.
My suffering was so intense at the time that it shook me awake from a deep sleep.
I call it my initiation moment. My first proper dark night of the soul.
It also pulled me into the deep waters of the question:
“Who the fuck am I and why am I here?!”
At times it held me under water until I thought I was going to die. But the gold I brought up to the surface and into the light of my life was always worth the suffering. I truly believe that the darkness holds gifts we could never find in the light.
Beyond that, I used to love exploring the world and foreign cultures until I realized – fuck, the real adventures lie within. So I got even more curious about my inner world and embarked on a journey into the depths of my psyche and consciousness. I wanted to understand myself and figure out my patterns of suffering and the blocks to a fulfilled life.
Most people need pain as a motivator for self-exploration. Like me.
It is usually challenging, painful and difficult experiences in the areas of relationships, health, career or money that drive us to go deeper.
Some feel stuck or deeply unfulfilled in an area or are dealing with recurring symptoms of depression or anxiety.
Few arrive at the door out of shear curiosity (which came later for me).
It is like the call of adventure to your own individual heroine’s/hero’ journey.
For some, it’s a whisper, for most of us it’s more like a megaphone voice shouting right into the ear.
Some only need one invitation phone call (eg. a painful breakup, a sudden burnout, a life-threatening health diagnosis), some need many invitations (eg. recurring health conditions, depressive episodes, a series of unhealthy relationships…).
The treasures you will find on your journey
There are loads of reasons why this journey is worthwhile.
For me, the following stand out as I look at back at how the last 8+ years have benefited and impacted me:
I broke free from programming and conditioning from my past, my family, culture and society, the media, school and education..
I reached deeper layers of self-awareness
I found more inner peace
I can deal with challenges and struggles better as I now have tools, practice and a support network to support me
I love myself and accept myself more
I have gained more self-worth, self-confidence and self-trust
I am connected to my purpose in life
I have found my voice as a creator and writer
I am able to make better conscious decisions that are in aligned with my truth and who I am more easily
I have better boundaries
I am living a more conscious life
I am am more in the present moment
I can access deeper states of flow and creativity
I am able to better self-regulate my emotional states
I have improved my communication skills
I enjoy deeper romantic and platonic relationships (the deeper you go within yourself, the deeper you can go with others and the more connected you are to yourself, the more connected you feel to others)
I feel more empowered to heal myself and find answers as I have learned to trust my inner wisdom
I have more clarity around what motivates/drives me and what’s important to me so that I can create a life and do work that is in alignment with who I am and my potential as Conni
—and so much more. This list really only scratches the surface.
Exploring myself has brought me a lot of healing, integration and, essentially: wholeness. Plus, it opened up new creative capacities within myself.
What is self-exploration really?
Self-exploration is the process of discovering your inner castle and all the rooms within it.
It means looking for the roots of who you are.
It’s a journey inward to discover:
who you are and how you work
what your patterns and shadow parts are
what your beliefs are and the main stories you tell yourself about yourself and the world
why you react the way you do
why you do the things you do
what your barriers are to love or health or joy or success in life
what really sets your soul on fire
how you want to truly live your life
Self-exploration is a big deal, because there is SO MUCH to discover and find out. We are complex beings with many layers that make up our personalities.
It’s part shadow work and part light work – you will meet the dark corners as well as the lit up ones.
It’s about exploring our past and unresolved traumas, as well as about getting in touch with our potentials and soul signature.
Whereas with self-discovery, we set out to ‘find ourselves’, with self-exploration there is no end goal.
When you explore, you discover things and then you can decide to explore deeper and further. Without needing to find something, you just wander.
That’s why I’m more a fan of self-exploration than self-discovery, because it feels more playful.
You are a traveler without a map, you find a trail and then another one and another and eventually you realize that they all connect and then you realize that you have built a map. A map of YOU.
So we could say that self-exploration is the process of mapping your inner landscape and who you are in all your dimensions (eg. mind, body, spirit + soul, emotions, energies, past..).
Exploring your unconscious mind
Your inner landscape is made up of your conscious and subconscious mind.
The conscious mind makes up about 5-10% of our entire consciousness, which means that 90-95% of how we operate and live our lives come from our subconscious.
The iceberg model of consciousness by Freud visualizes this well:
Our conscious mind is what is visible to us and others, eg. our goals, actions, plans, behavior, thoughts, speech, willpower and analysis. Again, this is a tiny fraction of the whole.
The dominant driver, our subconscious, holds our habits, traumas, past programming, beliefs, instincts, emotions, fears, values and memories.
This means that we make decisions mainly from our subconscious mind – even though we like to believe we are fully conscious in the process.
Thus, when we set out to truly explore ourselves, it makes sense to dive way deeper and become curious about what lives in our subconscious so that we can truly live conscious lives.
Also, we as humans carry blind spots and unknown parts in our psyche – things we don’t know that we don’t know them and information that others know about us but we don’t.
The Johari Window explains this concept:
Why self-exploration is essential for creators and makers
Your work is only as authentic and impactful as your level of self-awareness. Your creativity, your work and your business will always reflect the level of self-exploration and personal development you have experienced.
The more you know yourself, the more impact you can make outside of yourself.
When you are connected to yourself deeper, you expand the capacity for connection with your audience and clients.
When you know your values, you can then align your work, your mission and vision with who you are and what truly matters to you.
When you are more aware, mindful and in contact with your body and its signals, you will decrease the likelihood of burning yourself out (something many of us creators do).
The more we explore ourselves and share the process with the world, the more we give others the permission to embark on this journey.
When we have an audience and work with people, we are multipliers. We have a responsibly. Our ways of being and energies touch anyone we get in contact with, anyone that consumes and receives our work and messages. I’d say it’s a good idea to be aware of that and use this awareness as a motivator to go deeper and further in our self-exploration.
Tools + practices to built your map as a self-explorer
Since there are an almost endless ways to explore yourself, I would like to pass on two guidelines:
Number 1: Be really damn curious.
Curiosity is the currency of self-exploration.
Number 2: Experiment.
Try out practices and modalities and see what floats your boat and works for you.
If you are interested to find out what I have experiment with, then check out this resource, in which I document my own self-exploration journey:
My Personal Growth Master Guidebook: A Complete Documentation Since 2012
And then:
Explore the content of your mind and your thinking (your programming, conditioning and biases)
Explore your feelings and learn to sit with your feelings
Explore your past and your family dynamics
Explore your relationships and friendships
Explore the connection with your body, your health and re-connect your mind with your body
Explore your passions, purpose and calling in life
Explore your values and your life vision
Explore different art practices and ways to use your creative energies
Explore different belief systems and philosophies such as Stoicism, Taoism or Buddhism (eg. I explored Buddhism in the beginning of my journey, because it provided me with a lot of answers to questions I was having at the time)
Here is a list of modalities and practices to get started with:
Journaling (eg. Morning Pages)
Fasting (eg. with my teacher Hillary at Dharma Healing International)
Psychotherapy (eg. talk therapy, Jungian analysis, Somatic Experiencing…)
Yoga teacher training
Get an astrological chart reading (eg. I can recommend Larry Martin)
Do tests like Myers Briggs, Enneagram, Human Design, Gene Keys…
Dream Analysis (here is a great book)
Go to events, workshops and seminars, eg. Landmark, Dr. Joe Dispenza or smaller ones at your Yoga studio
Inner vs Outer Guidance:
Some of these modalities and practices utilize your inner guidance intelligence and self-healing capacities (eg. meditation, journaling or breathwork), while others focus more on outer guidance (eg. therapy, events, books..).
I have found for myself that both are important, and that we often put too much faith and emphasis on outer guidance while not trusting our inner guidance enough.
I have learned to regularly check in with myself to see where I am looking for answers and making sure that I don’t disregard or neglect my own inner guidance intelligence.
Exploring Your Programming + Conditioning 101:
Why do you do the things you do? Start questioning everything you do and think and ask WHY all the time – eg. your diet, your work, your relationships, your judgements, the truths you believe, what you think is right or wrong, good or bad…
What are your biggest fears in life?
What are your limiting beliefs?
What are your big stories you keep telling yourself?
What are your main inner parts? (inner family systems)
What’s your attachment style? Your love language?
What are your relationship patterns? digging into our childhood and the relationships and attachment we had to our first caretakers and siblings.
Once you know the What and Why, dig deeper and explore where it all comes from. Where did you learn all this? Who taught you? Where did you pick up your beliefs, how did you develop your reactive and behavioral patterns?
Journaling goes a long way in finding answers to all these questions.
A therapist or coach can serve as a guide for deeper exploration.
How to best get started
It can truly be overwhelming to get started. I like to keep things simple.
I personally started with meditation, Yoga and working with a life coach back in 2012. From that place, I slowly ventured into deeper waters over the years.
Here is what I would recommend you do:
Start a daily meditation and journaling practice.
Get into transformational breathwork and play with different breathing patterns as part of your meditation practice (eg. box breathing, alternate nostril breathing and diaphragmatic breathing – use the Breathwrk app to get started).
Work with a life coach or therapist
Here are some books you might want to read:
The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael Singer
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
Becoming Supernatural and Breaking the Habit Of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza
Just Breathe by Dan Brule
The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope
A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle
Non-Violent Communication: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall Rosenberg
Atomic Habits: An Easy and Proven Way to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones by James Clear
Big Magic: Create Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert
The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
Important: Spend time in solitude.
The best way to truly explore ourselves is when we are fully with ourselves.
Make time to go on dates with yourself regularly. Start a meditation practice. Do things alone that you would normally do with others. Go traveling by yourself.
Some last words for your journey
Diving deeper into self-exploration will provide you with tools, practices and insights that will leave you empowered AF.
The most important part of my self-exploration has been to learn to live in my body and to fully feel my feelings.
Just a heads up, a little warning if you will –
Remember this on your journey:
There is nothing wrong with you.
Stay grounded and in your body.
Don’t get too lost in the personal development and self-improvement world. It will suck you in and possibly never spit you out (it’s an industry after all).
This adventure is like digging into the layers of an onion and works like spiral dynamics. Yes, there is always another layer and no, you are not stuck, just working your way up the spiral.
Let it be fun. Embrace it like a curious little kid and play.
It’s a courageous act to embark on this adventure. Self-exploration requires you to expand your comfort zone and face your fears. That’s how we get in touch with ourselves in ways we usually don’t if we only stay in the safe space.
The deeper you go, the more you might come across aspects and parts of yourself that might require more integration and healing.
One of my next articles will go into more detail on trauma work and what I have learned on my path.
And lastly:
This journey will change you. You will not come back the same. But damn, it will be the most important and meaningful journey of your life.
Enjoy the ride.
Conni.